- The Glitterati
MOM GUILT: IT'S A THING
GLITTERATIGIRLS GET REAL ABOUT THE WORK/MOMLIFE BALANCE
Raise your hand if when on a business trip someone has asked you “Who’s taking care of your son/daughter/children?” Feminist views aside, do men ever get asked that question? Real talk? NO.
Working while raising children is complex for anyone alive and breathing, regardless of gender. Managing a full-time job and a full-time life requires a lot of dexterity, even if you’re lucky enough to have help. Add to that the expectation to give 100%, 100% of the time, a very real part of the Gen X culture.
Whether you’re hands on or behind-the-scenes, micro-managing the minutiae is always a balancing act.
We spoke to some GlitteratiMoms to get the lowdown on mom guilt. A lot of things came up, the common thread being presence; physical, mental and emotional.
“When you’re a mom, your kids are always on your mind no matter how close or far they are from you. It’s hard being in one place 100% You’re supposed to be with your kids on Wednesday afternoons but you’re thinking about work. You’re at work but you’re thinking about how tired your daughter is and keep forgetting to make a doctor’s appointment. You’re distracted and rushing out of work to get home and forget your groceries, another night of pasta for the kids.”
Presence and lack thereof; The major breeding ground for mom guilt.
Something all parents go through at some point is not wanting to repeat the errors of their own parents. Let’s put a pin in that and read a little bit of history on the dynamics of generations….
Preceding Gen Xers ( born early 1965-1980) are Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964) - also known as the “Me Generation” – a generation whose cultural aspirations were self-realisation and self-fulfillment, largely in contrast to their own parents (Silent Generation born 1928-1945) who grew up during the depression and World War II, learning values through hard work, family and community, loyalty, religious faith and most importantly to earn money and be conservative. It’s no surprise that the modus vivendi of the Baby Boomer generation was “finding yourself”, when your parents grew up during the depression or have the emotional scars of World War II, you pretty much run towards the light, and light there was! The 1970’s were an era of new-age spirituality, self-help and self-discovery. And… the beginning of women striving for professional independence and competing with men in the workplae. The second wave of feminism was soaring and Momma’s started doing their thing, because they finally could !
Bottom line: a lot of those moms went to work, duked it out for work-place equality and let the nannies do the
heavy lifting.
“Having been raised by parents who outsourced all parental obligations to nannies, I knew I didn’t want to be that kind of mother. I am fortunate to have a husband who is very involved and values being hands-on. I work full time and travel. I have missed countless school events, sleep-away camp drop off and even Kindergarten graduation. Missing the milestones is heartbreaking. I try to take comfort in knowing that everything I do is teaching my child the importance of going to work, following through with obligations and what it is to have responsibilities. The trickiest thing is fitting in time for myself. Ten years into it, I have learned that it’s ok to make myself a priority from time to time. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.”
And sometimes things are more complicated...
“My mother had a high-school education and went back to school when I was about 8, she worked really hard and went as far as getting her PhD. When I was young, I resented her, but as I got older, I respected her for wanting to be her own person and having a career. What I begrudged her was that there was no organisation. I rarely knew who was picking me up from school and often came home to an empty house, left to my own devices. It was very important to me do it differently when I became a mother. And I do. I work full time and travel for my job. I am fortunate to not only have a very involved husband but to be able to rely on a nanny who has been with us since our baby came home from the hospital and like a second mother. I make it a priority that my child never feels the anxiety and uncertainty I felt growing up and that she knows she can count on people to be there for her."
